When buying a car some years ago I found myself talking to a family friend whom I had not seen since school days. As we reminisced about the close bond our families shared he offered condolences for my mother’s recent passing. We found ourselves reflecting on the good fortune in having caring mothers.
'Mum still watches over me,' he said wistfully, decades after her passing.
'But sometimes,' he chuckled, 'I wish she weren’t. Especially when I think of how she might view some of my actions.'
Our nervous laughter belied a mutual recognition of that familiar sense of shame—the discomfort at the thought of our mothers seeing our true selves and our actions in private moments.
This conversation comes to mind as I ponder the actions of terrorists who seem to feel no shame, even boasting of their deeds to their parents. This stark difference prompts me to delve into fundamental questions about the nature of shame.
What is shame, why do we feel shame, and how can this experience guide our moral compass? Notably, the experience of shame offers a window into our humanity, revealing our innermost selves and our inherent dignity. It reminds us that our actions, observed or not, touch the core of our unique human worth. And so, to understand shame, we must first understand dignity.
The Concept of Dignity
The concept of dignity was highlighted in the UN Declaration on Human Rights. The "foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world" it states, is grounded in the recognition that “all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights". On the 75th anniversary of this vital document, and in light of the events of October 7, it becomes particularly timely and pertinent to revisit and reflect on the concept of dignity to which it points.
Dignity emerges from the unique, irreducible, and irreplaceable nature of each person. The fact that there is only one of you, that you cannot be reduced to a mere label, and that no one else can ever replace your distinct self, gives you an inherent value.
Dignity encompasses two dimensions: ontological dignity—that inherent worth of each person which we recognise intuitively in our advocacy for human rights—and moral dignity, which is the basis of your freedom to make choices, to shape your life and pursue your purpose. For instance, while ontological dignity establishes everyone’s right to reasonable work, moral dignity upholds the freedom to choose your specific vocation.
Understanding these nuances of human dignity sets the stage for a deeper exploration of shame, an experience with which we are much more familiar.
The Concept of Shame
I recall a leader, who was proud of his reputation as a 'hard but fair' manager: until his daughter's frustrations with her boss shocked him with the realisation that his staff might view him similarly. His indignation at her treatment turned rapidly to shame at his treatment of others. Shame is that experience of not living up to who one is, of being wrong in oneself, as distinct from guilt, which arises from doing wrong.
Shame is that experience of being wrong in oneself, while guilt arises from doing wrong
Many people are familiar with the inner experience of shame when considering how their mother would feel if she knew about one’s actions. We implicitly understand that particular actions lack goodness, and so give rise to shame, since these are not the way truly human persons act.
In this light, shame can be likened to a mirror, reflecting not just the actions we present to the world, but also the hidden depths of our character. It uncovers the layers beneath our exterior, revealing truths we might be reluctant to acknowledge. This mirror does not simply show us as we are, but also as we could be, offering a glimpse into both our failings and our potential for growth.
Shame also reveals the essence of our human dignity. When we are objectified, used, or exposed against our will, it is not just a surface wound. Rather it is a deep affront, an assault on our very being. The experience of being used as a mere tool for another’s gratification or aggrandisement is disempowering, depersonalising, and undignified, since one feels no longer a person but merely a pawn in a game.
This feeling is acutely different from awe, which elevates our spirit in the presence of beauty. Awe makes us feel small in the face of something overwhelmingly awesome, while shame makes us feel small in the face of something overwhelmingly awful. Shame centres on myself, while awe centres on the vastness beyond myself.
Shame surfaces when we stray from the standards of virtue and value, and act in a manner that is in discord and disharmony with our humanity. Doing so fractures our sense of self and alienates us from others. This dis-integration manifests when we deny someone's dignity, treating them as less than a person. Shame is the proper human response to such actions, which should prompt us to wonder 'How could I have acted this way?' or 'What was I thinking?' This form of shame reflects moments where we act without true consideration, led astray from truly human values.
The second form of shame emerges when someone else denies us our dignity, which leads to a feeling of being wrong in our very self. We see a stark example of this in the senseless slaughter of young people enjoying a musical festival, celebrating life. So many stories have emerged of young women subjected to humiliation and abuse, publicly shamed as her humanity and dignity are viciously violated. What compounds this tragedy is the delight the terrorists took in their distress, revealing a disturbing lack of empathy and shame in being part of such degradation. To draw a powerful contrast, consider a mother who, running naked from a burning building while clutching her child, feels no shame upon being offered a coat to preserve her dignity.
Awe makes us feel small in the face of something overwhelmingly awesome,
while shame makes us feel small in the face of something overwhelmingly awful
We experience shame when our actions fail to align with virtue, and also when others perceive and treat us as less than human. This dual aspect of shame—as both a personal failing and a societal reflection—underscores its complexity and its deep ties to our understanding of dignity and humanity. The distinction between the mother, who retains her dignity despite adversity, and the young woman, whose dignity is stripped away in degradation, poignantly illustrates how our actions and reactions to others can either uphold or deny human dignity.
Humans have a proclivity for wrongdoing
While it may be easy to see wrongdoing in others, it's important to recognise our shared human tendency toward wrongdoing. As Solzhenitsyn insightfully observed, the line between good and evil runs through every human heart, not between nations or political parties. This universal imperfection manifests as a propensity for wrongdoing, not just in thought but sometimes in action.
This reality entails a constant struggle against our baser instincts, necessitating humility to acknowledge our shortcomings. Shame often acts as a deterrent, either through the fear of personal consequences or concern about disappointing others. While the idea that others' opinions shouldn't matter is common, the truth is that societal judgment can be a significant force for good, helping steer us away from what would earn social censure and discgrace.
It's tragic to consider that some terrorists seem not to feel shame for acts of violence. This goes beyond a mere proclivity for wrongdoing; it represents a profound moral distortion. Understanding the mindset that underpins such inhuman behaviour becomes crucial.
Why do some feel no shame?
Reflecting on the actions of terrorist groups, such as Hamas, in the context of the October 7 terror event, reveals a troubling aspect of human nature. It’s striking to note the dissimilarity in the experience of shame: while many feel shame considering their actions from their mother's perspective, some involved in these acts took delight in telling their parents.
The greater concern with the actions of Hamas is not that they feel no guilt, but that they feel no shame. This lack of shame in celebrating violent actions suggests the other is not seen as a person deserving respect and dignity, but rather as an object for political or ideological ends. Such dehumanising actions indicate a detachment from the common humanity that binds us all, and a loss of personal humanity. History has shown that devaluing the life of others often leads to a destructive cycle, affecting both the perpetrators and the broader fabric of humanity.
The proper human response to such actions, whether by a soldier or anyone else, is shame, that shame which arises from betrayal of our shared human values.
Contrast with soldier’s shame
Contrast the actions of Hamas with those of a heroic soldier, one who risks their life for a noble cause. The soldier's burden becomes heavy with the unintended harm of civilians, and should be unbearable in cases of intentional harm. The senseless and shameful actions of brutalising and killing defenceless civilians stand in stark contrast to the essence of soldiering.
In the fog of war, moral clarity can be elusive, yet some actions remain unmistakably wrong. Consider the 1968 My Lai massacre, where more than 500 Vietnamese civilians were brutally killed. The world's outrage at this event, and the eventual remorse expressed by William Calley, the man who led the massacre, underscores a fundamental human response to inexcusable acts: shame. America did not celebrate these actions indicating the shamefulness of such acts.
On the other hand, groups like Hamas show a troubling lack of shame, often publicly celebrating reprehensible actions. This difference in response highlights not just diverging moral codes, but also how societies and groups understand and respond to the dignity and worth of human life.
Shame as a moral guide
Shame, as a deeply felt, self-conscious experience, serves as a crucial guide in our moral journey. It acts as a guardrail, steering us towards actions that align with our humanity. When we deviate from this path, shame serves as a reminder, urging us to reconsider actions that betray our personhood. Its power lies not just in personal introspection but also in its social implications—knowing that wrongful acts, once exposed, can lead to social ostracism and condemnation.
This makes the avoidance of shame a potent motivator, often more so than the avoidance of guilt. While guilt can be assuaged, shame has the capacity to profoundly affect our soul and social relationships. This deep-seated impact of shame makes it an effective moral compass, guiding us towards upholding our shared values of dignity and respect.
Enhancing dignity
As we draw this long reflection to a close, what can you do to enhance dignity? Here are some suggestions:
Reflect on moments in your professional life where your actions might not have aligned with your values. Consider how a deeper understanding of dignity could guide your future decisions, impacting both your personal growth and those around you.
Think about how you can foster an environment that respects the ontological and moral dignity of others: ie respect for who they are and the choices they make. What changes can you implement to ensure that everyone feels valued and respected?
Identify situations where individuals might feel undermined or undervalued. How can you intervene to protect and preserve their dignity?
Consider how you embody and promote the values of respect and dignity, especially in challenging situations. Lead by example, demonstrating empathy and understanding in all your interactions."
As we approach the end of the year, it's a time for reflection and setting new goals. Consider how you can incorporate the principles of dignity and respect into your life and leadership in the coming year.
Concluding Thoughts on Humanity and Dignity
While the actions of groups like Hamas are incomprehensible, they remind us of our universal capacity for wrongdoing. This capacity can be exacerbated by blinding ideologies, making the pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty all the more crucial. Ernst Jünger’s On the Marble Cliffs offers a poignant insight: two brothers, soldiers amidst war, finding moral strength in the beauty of nature. This stands sharply against those who choose the path of hate and ugliness, a choice that leads to inhumanity and the disintegration of the soul.
The actions of groups like Hamas, which strip people of their inherent dignity, serve as a stark reminder of the path we must not follow. These actions, far from displaying righteousness, reveal a profound wretchedness. Instead, let us choose the path of beauty, justice, integrity, wisdom, and goodness.
There is something ineffable about the human spirit that recedes in the face of abuse and radiates in the presence of respect and dignity. As we near the end of the year, amidst the horrors reported in the news, let us remember the inherent beauty within each person, including in our own hearts. To bend the arc of history toward a moral future, the 75th anniversary of the UN Declaration on Human Rights reminds us that they key to peace is to focus on the dignity and respect due to every person. In our daily interactions, let us uplift each other, strive to be our best selves, and work together to build a more humane world.
As the festive season approaches, with its songs of Father Christmas judging who has been ‘naughty or nice,’ let us also imagine a universal, nurturing Mother figure. How would she perceive our actions? Considering what ‘Mum’ might think could help steer our actions more closely toward the true, the beautiful, and the good. It's an opportunity to adjust our behaviour, not just for the season but as a lasting commitment to upholding the dignity and worth inherent in ourselves and every person.
Terrific article - thank you!
Please also find a very sobering assessment of the dreadful psychotic "sanity" of Western man (in particular)
http://www.awakeninthedream.com/undreaming-wetiko-introduction
A related essay http://www.awakeninthedream.com/aricles/invasion-of-the-body-snatchers-comes-to-life
Meanwhile 25,000 tons of American made bombs have been dropped on Gaza so far, including 6000 in the first week. And do a search on the topic how many bombs has the US dropped year by year.